he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
