if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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