i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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