Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
