Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need a beard to bite.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
