hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize