She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
