I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
