I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
