I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
