I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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