Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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