drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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