I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Come on in and take your pants off
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