glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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