she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
