one might say we're banned from that church
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
