Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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