"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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