I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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