DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
