She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
