No awkward lesbian experiences without me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
