Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
