If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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