Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
