I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sorry my hands just texted you
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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