if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
