I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
