I need to stop coming to work sober
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
