apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
