Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
