my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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