I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
