what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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