if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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