wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
