do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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