Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
