I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
