You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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