Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
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brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I love you.
Bad choice
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