i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
