is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
