did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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