I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
