I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
