Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
