Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
