I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
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I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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