so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Less talking, more tequila
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
