I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
