he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He felt like a one man threesome
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
