I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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