Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
