So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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