Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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