And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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