I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
