i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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