That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
