No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
