I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
