Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
