Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
