I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
