At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We need to rekindle our bromance
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
