I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
