I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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