I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
